The Dishonest Truth

People enjoy making claim to having a great appreciation for honesty which is very often rooted in dishonesty. For example: if your husband was honest about wanting to have a mistress, or if your wife wanted to sleep with other women, would you appreciate their honesty, would you accept their wishes? You see, honesty does not end with simply knowing something. It has a very important responsibility, which is to love a person enough to appreciate their being honest with you. That’s what appreciation is, and that’s what it means. If somebody is honest with you about something, and you become enraged about it, and act out towards them, you are not being appreciative. You are simply teaching that person to never be honest with you again. You are non-verbally communicating that you are not up to honesty’s task. Honesty isn’t for people who only want to know things, who are just curious about what’s going on behind closed doors, it’s for people who are able to accept those things, because that’s what love does. Love tries to understand honesty. It does not condemn it. It realizes that people are different, and that they have different needs. It does not say: “you must be like me, otherwise I am unable to be with you.” Because this is what makes people behave dishonestly! Yes, that’s right. More times than not, the reason why people are dishonest is not because it appeals to them, it’s because they know they won’t be accepted if they’re honest, which seems to indicate that your non-acceptance is more responsible for a person’s dishonesty than they are. So before you get your feathers all ruffled up about somebody lying to you, or not being completely truthful, you might want to think a little bit about why. There is no point in getting all unglued over dishonesty if you’re the probable culprit. It is better to give a little thought to how you might be encouraging it, because if you aren’t giving your energy to an environment of absolute honesty, you should probably start considering that you’re somehow discouraging it. If you aren’t creating a real atmosphere of openness in your life then there is no reason for anybody to be open with you. Honesty is a very special kind of gift. It is not something that exists to simply cure your curiosity, it is a reward for your understanding, sensitivity, and kindness. Yes people, it’s a promissory note, a guarantee of your love. That’s the way that honesty works. dwp

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